Day 1- Knives, Truffles, and Procrastination

I didn't expect the first day to be hard.

And in a lot of ways, it really wasn't. I small talked with the secretary for 7 minutes to borrow a knife to cut open my grapefruit, realized that progresso vegetable soup has chicken broth in it, and that's about it.

I weighed myself today for a starting point (107 pounds, 5'0'')- if i lose any more than 7 pounds, i'm gonna add rice to my diet just to be safe.

Anyhow, today's temptation came with an email from one of my favorite people here, entitled hazelnut-chocolate truffles:

"Dear Speech Comm chocolate lovers:

Please help yourself to homemade chocolate delights in a container with a blue lid in the lounge refrigerator. Beware, they are rather rich.

Enjoy,

Mandi"

Mandi is one of my favorite people in Georgia. She was one of my first friends when I got here, and really the reason why I know the town of Athens at all. For Christmas she made everyone in our office mini bundt cakes, which were amazing, and has been known to leave things like cheeseballs and cheesecake in the fridge for us downstairs. She loves, and is wonderful, at cheering the rest of us up when we get caught up in the everyday typing until our eyes fall out. And for that I am very thankful.

So for a split second, I forgot I was fasting and got excited. Then, after I remembered, I found myself thinking in my head, "Well, what if I just wait and start a day late on the fast...and just go one day longer than everyone else?" Afterall, it would still be a 21 day fast...

Instead I drew a big F on the palm of my hand so I wouldn't forget, and went back to work and trying to eat my grapefruit with too big a spoon.

I realized, as most everyone already knows, getting started sucks. Whether it's starting a new diet, exercising, asking someone out, or even breaking up with someone, that first step into a line of new direction is the one that causes us to falter the most. I don't know how many papers I've written the night before, pushing it off just because the initial start is so difficult to me, even though I love writing.

But here's what else I thought about:

1. God's timing is better than ours.

Delaying the fast wouldn't make any sense. In all honesty, it would disconnect me from a larger whole- that of my church, the community I am supposed to be fasting with, and as such, it would in large part disconnect me from my connection I am aiming for in this fast with God. You see, my entire church is fasting something for twenty one days, fasting from all food the last day, and then the next day joining together in prayer. It's intense. And it's good. If I pushed off fasting for a day, plainly put, it would s e p a r a t e me. It reminds me of every story in the bible where God asks his people to do something, and they hesitate. Hesitation isn't good. It wastes time. Sometimes, it shows a lack of trust. But even more, it makes two words from the Isaiah verse I quote on fasting really stick out-

"Being present."

Delaying is hiding. It's not being there. Not being present. How can I possibly pray to God saying, "Here I am, send me" if I'm saying, "Hey, wait a day God, I want to eat this little piece of chocolate today." My timing is dumb. My timing is weak. It's procrastination, delay, hiding, fear, laziness; it's being stagnant. It's not growing or connecting.

God's timing is good. It's strong and it's here and it's now. It's brave and powerful; it's moving. It's obediance, love, understanding and connecting into something completely perfect.

Stepping over that first line is trusting that God is big enough to lead.

2. Delaying doesn't leave enough room for 100%

Self explanatory. We don't start when we should, 1. at that time we are settling and 2. when we do get started, it's hard to finish right. I think back to every paper I started too late, and just couldn't get done the way I should have gotten it done. But even more than papers, what about when I sat and watched tv instead of doing my paper, so I had to stay late over break, and not go home and spend as much time with my family? What about all the times I brought my work home with me, because I was playing bejeweled during the day? Delaying stepping over the line takes away time from us loving on others, and of course, from them loving on us back (God included).

Day 1- grapefruit, homemade vegetable soup, and a bunch of random vegetables chopped up and stir fryed with red pepper. I'm not starving myself, that's for sure. I put the leftovers away to bring for lunch tomorrow. Probably dinner tomorrow, too.

Day 1 in my prayer guide calls us to begin with our own personal renewal. So here's what it says-

First day, lovelessness.

rev. 2: 4-5 (NLT) "But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first. Look how far you've fallen. Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don't repent, I will come and remove your lamp stand from its place among the churches."

Personal reflection: We all remember the first moments of our first love; we were captivated by every thought of the one to whom our affections flowed. Putting on our best behavior, doing everything to get and stay in their attentive focus, talking, dreaming and thinking about them all day, everyday. But something happens after a while, the wonder and amazement of those first moments begin to fade and we take the one we love for granted instead, turning our attention to other pursuits- our job, new friends, kids, etc. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any area in your life where you've turned from your initial passion and love of God so that you can receive cleansing and forgiveness and set your focus completely upon Jesus Christ and seeking his kingdom.

Additional scripture support: Isaiah 1, Isaiah 40:28-31, Titus 3:3-7, Colossians 3:8-10, Psalm 51:10, Romans 12:2-3

Going forward I'm committed to ____."

The cool thing about this one for me if that I just had a conversation with my awesome (usually) Godly boyfriend last night. We talked about how I really want to start this blog for the right reasons, and not as some glorifed, "hey look guys, I'm fasting" kind of deal. I made him promise to call me out if I ever got stupid in this blog, and I am sure others of you will as well.

Anyhow, I mentioned that the reason I am putting it in blog form is because I used to have a xanga (another blog) in college, and when I first really became a Christian I had so much energy and shared so much and wanted to talk about how God filled me up every day. Somewhere along the line, though, my light got dimmer, and I completely stopped it. Some of my deepest realizations about God were on that site; something about writing it all down on the internet really helps me to focus, and to light up. Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm saying until after I read it again. Sometimes I go back to the site and remember how my strength and energy I had as a new christian, and I am definitely one of the people God is calling out for losing their energy as they go along. I take God for granted. Sometimes I've sung songs or read scripture so much, that I forget what it means. Sometimes doing the same thing for so long is when we really need to ask God for new direction, even if where we were was biblical, too.

So, for me, "going forward, I'm committed to..." sharing You and how you are filling me up with Your love every day. I'm committed to reminding my own self how You love me everyday, and rejoicing and giving You glory for it. I can love because You are love are You are in me. I'm committed to not eating chocolates and not delaying; I'm committed to being present.

now.

line crossed.

Praying through scripture (from my prayer guide for today)

1 corinthians 13:1-3 (the message translation)

Jesus, I know that it doesn't matter if I speak with all intelligence, or the appearance of angelic authority- if my speech isn't first from a place of love, it's nothing but a creaking gate. It doesn't matter if I speak God's word with power, revealing mysteries and making everything as plain as day; or if I have faith that says to this mountain "jump" and it jumps, if I don't have love, I am nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and give my very life as a martry, but I don't love- I've gotten nowhere. I know that no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, without love I am bankrupt. Forgive me for those times that I've forgotten you, my first love.

Amen.

21 days- why fast?

Last week my pastor Lee Mason gave a sermon on the importance of fasting in order to connect more fully to God (to hear it, go to http://www.classiccity.org/). For the next three weeks, we are in a series about the greatness of God.

You see, my church is very young, and currently experiencing growing pains while trying to find it's direction. We are currently praying for finding another new venue (we have already packed the theatre we meet in), for doing our first missions trip to Liberia this summer, and also to get more involved with the community of Athens...which, minus the college kids, is a very, poor area, which needs a lot of taking care of that it's just not been getting.

In order to find our direction, Lee is calling all who are willing in our church to fast in some way for 21 days. It can be from sweets, video games, t.v., facebook, shopping, eating out, or, as he joked today, possibly from studying (ok, don't do that).

I have decided to do the daniel fast, which means just fruits and vegetables. So, for the most part, I am going vegan, which the one acception of milk, because I am a scrawny little girl, and don't plan on losing weight during this. (I will be finishing my box of cheese-its tonight, I promise you). Bye butter, Bye cheese...at least I'm a vegetarian already. :-)

In the next 21 days, I am going to blog once a day using the prayer and fasting studying guide given to me by my church. I'll be sharing what I'm eating, what I'm studying, and what I'm praying about.

I made this blog to keep myself accountable in certain respects- and I hope that, as much as I love sharing, the focus stays away from me and more on God. Because, after all, I have gotten caught up a lot in the past with fasting for the wrong reasons (I don't like to eat, I like being tiny, etc.).

*Fasting is not about our glory, it's about God's glory. It's not about our sacrifices, it's about turning away from one world to focus on another.

So besides the fact that fasting increases your immune system and naturally detoxes poisons from your body, what does it do for your relationship with God?

Today I decided I'd just type up a little bit about fasting and why it's good.

In Isaiah 58:6-9, God tells his people what Godly fasting looks like:

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed, cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will be turned on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The GOD of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, GOD will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, "Here I Am."

Here's a small list of things that fasting does for you (except from "you are not what you weigh" by Lisa Bevere

1. fasting creates a new hunger

"So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer." -Ezra 8:32

When you fast, you become hungry. At first it may be hunger for food or whatever you are fasting from, but as the initial hunger pangs or longings cease, a new desire is formed. Fasting causes you to hunger in the midst of abundance.

2. Fasting increases sensitivity to God

"There was also a prophetess, Anna...she never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem." -Luke 2:36-38

From this account of the widow women, Anna, we can see that fasting and prayer has developed such a keep sensitivity in her that she percieved the Christ child at only a few days old. She could hear clearly what God was saying.

3. Fasting works humility

"Yet when they were ill, I put on a sackcloth and humbled myself with fasting. When my prayers returned to me unanswered." -Psalm 35:13

When we fast, we deny ourselves food; we often feel our natural strength waning. In our weakness, we find ourselves more dependant upon God. It is a confrontation with the flesh; a time when we deny its satifaction and provision. It is a time of turning aside from what we can provide, and turning toward what God alone can give. This is often the setting for a confrontation between the spirit and the flesh. after forty days in the wilderness, Jesus was hungry physically; satan came to tempt him - to use His position as the Son of God to create bread from stone. But, instead, Jesus humbled Himself and answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" - Matthew 4:4

4. Fasting Chastens or Disciplines

"When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting that became my reproach." -psalm 69:10

David maintained His spiritual life by means of bringing his body into subjection. through self-inflicted chastening, we steady and strengthen our spiritual walk. In many ways, we become consistant.

5. Fasting changes our appetite

"While they were worshipping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.'" -Acts 13:2

While fasting, you may find that God reveals a "change of plans" from what you sre currently doing or even feel "called" to do. God often uses times of fasting and prayer to speak to the desires of our hearts, and to reveal His purpose and destiny for our lives.

6. Fasting increases our capacity

"Go, gather together all of the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish." -Ester 4:16

This fast prepared ester to overcome the fear of man- and even greater, her fear of death. This fast increased her capacity for self sacrifice while it imparted wisdom. The survival of a nation depended on her willingness to lay down her life. She knew it was more than she could face in her present condition with her present information, so she drew on God's strength.

7. Fasting brings answers to prayer

"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here Am I." -Isaiah 58:9

A godly fast will bring answered prayer. It is the atmosphere for answers to questions, direction, help, and the revelation of God. It is a time when he says, "Here I am...I'm over here. Come to me." This revelation may come through His Word, or as a still small voice, or by a strong confirmation of what He has previously shown us.

8. Fasting leads to quick healing.

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear." -Isaiah 58:8

God set up the fast as a manner of healing his people- a time when the darkness of oppression, depression or infirmity is dispelled by light, such as the dawn. When this light breaks forth, healing soon follows. this could mean many things. It could be a revelation of sin, which, when repented of, allows healing to spring forth.. It could mean a revelation of His will or His Word, which brings healing and freedom where there once was darkness and ignorance. This healing could be physical, mental, or spiritual.

Even natural medicine supports this- many illnesses occur in the digestive system. A short fast gives your body a chance to refocus its energies on healing instead of eating.

9. Fasting opens the door to God's protection and provision

"Then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard." -Isaiah 58:8

God promised to be a guard before us and behind us. A fast renews your righteousness and sends it on before you. Then, as you give God the glory, He returns righteousness as you rear guard.

10. Fasting looses the chains of injustice

"Is it not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and the cords of the yoke." -Isaiah 58:6

The kind of fast God leads us into has the power to loose any unjust chains that bind us. It also unties the cords tethering us to any yoke. This application is not limited merely to a personal liberation for us- it represents God's desire to see us reach out and loose the ties that bind others, and remove the chains of oppression.

11. Fasting frees the oppressed & breaks every yoke

(Isaiah 58:6 again)

A fast is a time when we take our eyes off of ourselves and our own needs and look around at the oppression and pain of others. In response, we learn to reach out in compassion and help - becoming agents of healing.

Jesus said that His yoke was easy and His burden was light. When we are carrying a burden other than His, it is cumbersome, awkward, and heavy. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling responsible for something over which you have no authority. It will weigh you down with hopelessness and frustration. During a fast, God checks these areas in our lives and exposes the yokes of fear, worry, stress and turmoil. He removes them and readjusts His yoke for our life, the one that keeps us dependant upon him. If you're feeling weighed down, perhaps you are carrying too much.

12. Fasting motivates us to provide

"Is it not to share your food with the hungry..." -Isaiah 58:7

The benefit is obvious- you are not eating because of a fast (or not spending time doing something, or not spending money...etc), then you are free to share you portion with those less fortunate. For example, last year during lent I gave up eating out and saved about $150, which I could then give away without even missing it to the World Food Programme. Maybe you should give away any extra food lingering in your refrigerator or pantry that has a significant pull on you. Share with someone else, but don't proclaim or herald your fast...just give it to them.


I always don't know how to close these things, so I'm just asking for prayer for my church to do good things, and to find awesome focus.

kthanksbye.